Legacy

I've known teenagers Jamie, Casey and Jordan all their lives. That's because I've known their Dad for more than 30 years.

I got to spend some time with them the last few days and was reminded how much I like them. They're feisty, quick-witted, sweet and real.

It also made me think of a girl I know who just left her teens who, for soon to be obvious reasons, I'll just call L. L is smart. L one of those girls who makes men gulp when they look at her. She's long and blond and big eyed.

She's also afraid, frozen in time and determined to meet a destiny she recognizes but refuses to acknowledge, one that will chew her up and leave her unfulfilled.

Why would I put the four together? Because I can see how each got where they are.

The first three may have come from a "broken family," but the parents kept them priorities. Even at the worst of times, they did the right thing for the children even if it was painful for the adults. Both parents broke the mold of their own parents, and therefore a potential cycle. They recognized what they didn't like about the way they were raised and made a conscious effort to not repeat the mistakes. But when it came to the positive lessons, both parents echoed those good efforts again and again.

L tells me her father raped her before she was in double digit years. He was then out of her life for almost all the remainder. Her mother seemed to just give up and L took it upon herself, most likely only by default, to keep things together for Mom and the two younger brothers. You might think that gave her maturity and a lesson in perseverance that applies to this day. She is older than her years. But it comes without their seeming to be a childhood. There is no innocence left in L. Having such responsibility meant she simply could not fail.

These days, when there's a chance she might disappoint someone, she simply doesn't try and distances herself from that person, eliminating the potential for having that disappointment. I see the reason for her struggles and her potential. But when I told her such, she took it as an expectation of success and rather than face it, she had to stop communicating with me. That way, she would never fail.

We are all constantly measuring the people we know. I've only found one fail safe review - look at the children they create. Nothing is more truthful, covers more time and has a greater impact on the world.

I believe in a philosophy of choices and consequences. We make choices, pay with the consequences and learn from them but don't regret them. I have a single exception. I regret not having a child.

Because I'm one of those people who wants to change the world. I can do my own part, campaign for others who can have a still wider impact. But the single greatest opportunity I had, I let slip by.

I hope I would have created a Jamie, Casey or Jordan. Maybe even prevented an L from having to face the next 60 years.