Friends

I've been thinking a lot about friends lately.

Obviously, some of that is explained by the post right previous to this in which I note losing a great friend. Less obvious is the reality of how that situation revealed friends. There were those who knew enough to say just a little, but to know how much the situation affected me. There were those who knew they were closer still and could expound on their view of the relationship and express their condolences.

And there were those who ignored the situation. I'm glad they did. Because it helped clear my vision of the nature of our relationship, something to which I can blind myself.

The combination of all that made me stop and think about friends again. We live in a world in which friend may have been minimalized. Social networking such as Facebook leads us to make the word a verb and "friend" people we barely know. It over expands our list of friends to include entire other genres such as acquaintances, business associates and people to whom we only nod in real life. For those who fear offense, it can lead to even enemies making a "friends" list because they don't want to hit that ignore button and instead sheep-like accept an offer.

With all that in mind, I not only thought about whittling my alleged friends list, but stated it was a process I was conducting. That too was educational. I had direct requests to not eliminate specific people, people who I would have thought were so on the periphery they could care less. Some people gave reasons for asking me to continue to consider them friends, even though we hardly communicated. Those said they silently maintained connection via things such as this blog or visible conversations with others. They weren't that comfortable participating, but wanted to keep the pipeline open.

And I'm certain there were some who didn't state it, but prayed they would be removed from any connection because they'd had enough of me.

But there was one specific other that blunted my cynicism. One that made me think through friend with a more open mind, to give me the courage to be friends.

We hadn't crossed paths in decades, and even then it was glancing. We had re-established a dialogue and found growing up in the same place at the same time sets a template that is an automatic connection. During the final days of my good friend's life, that person kept an eye on me. She offered experience, advice and quite simply a crutch. And when it was over and I had to deal with the reality of one friend being gone, she was a new friend who I quickly came to believe was there if needed. A pretty good definition of friend.

She wasn't someone I would have thought of as a friend. But she was a friend in waiting. Her time for friendship just hadn't arrived.

She taught me to not be so rigid about my friends. She helped me see that not all friendships are stated or obvious or even yet in existence. The only friendship that isn't for certain is the one I won't let be.

I still don't believe I'm friends with everyone. I still believe friendship is earned on both sides. But I don't think of it as obvious as I may once have.

I have to believe I have more friends than I know. And hope more people think of me as their friend than I let.