Gender sickness

Having wrestled with the flu for a few days, I couldn't help but notice something. Men and women just handle sickness differently.

This isn't some 1980s Seinfeld rant about how men whine. But there does seem to be a gap between how men and women process through sickness in the United States.

When the boys on my playground asked me to come out and I told them I was down, they unanimously responded with a "take care of yourself."

When the girls heard I was taken to the bed, they responded with questions about what drugs I was taking and what the doctor had said about my suffering.

Now I'm one of those who think there are some illnesses that we just go through. I'd prefer to save antibiotics for when my arm is rotting off rather than when my lungs rattle a little. I don't even really understand putting down the Tylenol for a minor fever. All it does it supress the symptom, and I think of the uncomfortable fever as how my defenses jump up. As for going to the doctor for a bit of a virus he or she can't do anything about, well, how long do you sit needlessly in the reception room?

So when I responded to the ladies I was just riding it out, the ladies tsk-tsked me. I was being a martyr. Or just foolish.

I suspect I could find a psychologist to tell me this has something to do with nurturing instincts or something. Probably even one who relates it back to sex.

Circumspect sentimentality

I suppose it's good to know what people think of you. It helps you to understand how you come across. You can decide if you want to react to it. Or not. But even having a vision of other people's view is some form of self realization.

I'm fortunate to know there are some people who like me. They find me engaging, gregarious and adventurous.

I realize there are some people who do not like me. They find me blunt, even rude. They consider me overbearing and demanding.

Within both groups are people who believe I'm a bad boy, a rounder, a player. Whether they find that good or bad is in their own set of priorities.

The fact there is that division somehow pleases me. I suppose I think it makes me well rounded, real.

There are people in both groups who consider me a loner and moody. There are those I frustrate by their feeling I'm guarded, keeping a careful wall up to shield some parts.

I wouldn't argue with anyone who holds any of the aforementioned opinions. From my own internal viewpoint, I completely agree with them all. In fact, although I work to create a me I will like, there are times I do not.

There's also something else I've been thinking over for quite some time. There's something only a few people who have ever encountered me would place as a label. But it's a gigantic part. I am very sentimental.

It is reserved for those who have at some time shown me a little of their heart. To me, that's the ultimate trust. Even if they withdraw it at some time, I remember that glimpse and retain it in a special place.

For those who have ever given me a peek and those who still do display that trust, I've noticed a trend. My expression of that sentimentality makes them uncomfortable.

I used to believe that it was important for me to make such expressions, that others' discomfort was something which could be overcome and they come to accept my feeling. But it has simply never proven true. So, I've become circumspect.

This review comes on the heels of my finding a need for a minor expression of the sentimentality I carry for two women. I've been as close as you can to the two at one point, although the connection has frayed greatly. But I had cause to drop each a note, and within it I simply stated "I sometimes miss you."

One dismissed it as quickly as possible. The other, whom I believe has gone through quite a emotional growing spurt in the last year, accepted the feeling with grace.

I can easily play the character that is the image almost all see and upon which they make their opinions of me. It gives them comfort and a sense of consistency, fulfills expectations. Inside of that character the sentimentality can grow for people I encounter. But these days whether they know of it depends on how I see them look at me.

And my own simple bravery or cowardice.

Legacy

I've known teenagers Jamie, Casey and Jordan all their lives. That's because I've known their Dad for more than 30 years.

I got to spend some time with them the last few days and was reminded how much I like them. They're feisty, quick-witted, sweet and real.

It also made me think of a girl I know who just left her teens who, for soon to be obvious reasons, I'll just call L. L is smart. L one of those girls who makes men gulp when they look at her. She's long and blond and big eyed.

She's also afraid, frozen in time and determined to meet a destiny she recognizes but refuses to acknowledge, one that will chew her up and leave her unfulfilled.

Why would I put the four together? Because I can see how each got where they are.

The first three may have come from a "broken family," but the parents kept them priorities. Even at the worst of times, they did the right thing for the children even if it was painful for the adults. Both parents broke the mold of their own parents, and therefore a potential cycle. They recognized what they didn't like about the way they were raised and made a conscious effort to not repeat the mistakes. But when it came to the positive lessons, both parents echoed those good efforts again and again.

L tells me her father raped her before she was in double digit years. He was then out of her life for almost all the remainder. Her mother seemed to just give up and L took it upon herself, most likely only by default, to keep things together for Mom and the two younger brothers. You might think that gave her maturity and a lesson in perseverance that applies to this day. She is older than her years. But it comes without their seeming to be a childhood. There is no innocence left in L. Having such responsibility meant she simply could not fail.

These days, when there's a chance she might disappoint someone, she simply doesn't try and distances herself from that person, eliminating the potential for having that disappointment. I see the reason for her struggles and her potential. But when I told her such, she took it as an expectation of success and rather than face it, she had to stop communicating with me. That way, she would never fail.

We are all constantly measuring the people we know. I've only found one fail safe review - look at the children they create. Nothing is more truthful, covers more time and has a greater impact on the world.

I believe in a philosophy of choices and consequences. We make choices, pay with the consequences and learn from them but don't regret them. I have a single exception. I regret not having a child.

Because I'm one of those people who wants to change the world. I can do my own part, campaign for others who can have a still wider impact. But the single greatest opportunity I had, I let slip by.

I hope I would have created a Jamie, Casey or Jordan. Maybe even prevented an L from having to face the next 60 years.

You know your balloon will burst

With just a little bit of review, you can't help but be amazed at how entitled we seem to think we are. So much that we're more than willing to suspend common sense.

I find this particularly true economically. We seem to have insisted on believing that everything is wonderful and will always be wonderful. The reality is, sooner or later the bottom always had to drop out. We've been lucky for decades that the drop out was a singular industry with just a bit of blow back. The current Recession is really just when all our pretend came tumbling down as if the entire fairy tale book went up in flames at once.

In terms of personal experience, I guess I could go back to the early '80s and the savings and loan implosion. The falsity there was lending practices. To put it best, there's the story I watched personally. I was consulting for an entrepreneur/attorney who was also building an office tower. He needed some extra funds to finish the building and deal with some business ancillaries. We went over and visited the S&L with which he did business. He walked out with a $2 million check. He showed the note referencing the collateral as a motor home. It was worth less than $100,000.

I quit working with him and he continued down the road to the scenic area of Big Spring and the federal jail there. He just didn't seem to believe the gap between reality and his "opportunity" would ever end.

It was a similar situation in the tech boom a decade and a half later. Everyone crowed about innovation and entrepreneurship and opportunity. Seeing early companies which offered a service or product people could really use make some ridiculously rich, venture capitalist put together funds to invest in other companies and drive them to a point they could go public. Hoping to get in on the feast, regular people bought up the stocks. The original investors cashed in, the companies "paid off debt" and "invested in marketing."

But it had to go Humpty Dumpty on us for a simple reason - after the original surge, so many of these companies explored technologies or put together products no one wanted to buy. It was a Ponzi scheme of a great magnitude, except the books were much more open. There were seldom profits in the companies. But everyone wanted to get theirs before it all came tumbling down and just kept pouring it on.

So much of the current economic failure is blamed on the homebuilding and lending industries. But who couldn't see it coming with just some common sense? Maybe population is increasing, but not in the numbers homebuilders were churning out structures. It was misleading because there were buyers. But more importantly than the volume of homes being built was the size of the market which could actually pay up when the bills came due.

When that market was exhausted, in order to keep the ball rolling, loans were simply made to those who were destined to eventually find themselves unable to pay. Obviously seeing the pending Jericho, lenders packaged up such loans and sold them up the chain and up the chain. But it was inevitable and obvious. We just didn't want to see it. We were too busy getting ours.

Economics isn't really that difficult. You can throw around phrases like supply side and global marketplaces and obfuscate. But in the end, it's common sense. If you're not so wrapped up in your personal greed, you can easily see a bigger picture of success or failure.

It doesn't matter how much the pretty red balloon floats around. You keep inflating it, a pop is a certainty.

Who's surprised?

I'm not going to pontificate too much on this, just get to business.

So we spend the first several weeks of every Texas legislative session patting each other on the back and passing resolutions honoring or recognizing this and that. Lobbyists buy dinners, legislators meet at the Brown Bar and Four Seasons Hotel for drinks and conversation with their very young and attractive interns who happen to be the daughter of a major contributor.

And then we helter skelter for a couple of weeks to actually take care of needed business. So why are we surprised that nothing gets accomplished on the state departments that our ability to move and the cost of our life and health insurance? That the clamor starts for a special session with all the attendant cost in tough economic times?

This gives new meaning to both words hope and despair.