Trust

I've been pondering trust quite a bit lately. Taken in some other folks opinions, looked at my own levels of trust and just let the philosophy run around in my head.
I think trust is critical to the human condition. It's not just personal relationships, but trust is a vital cog in our business lives too. Who we do business with and how open and free we are with those transactions is based on how much trust exists.
Our ability to trust probably comes from myriad sources. It has to start with our upbringing. And not just with what we're told, but the actions we see and feel - absorb - before we're even cognizant that's what we're doing. Do we feel totally safe and supported in our childhood environments? If so, trust probably comes much easier throughout our adulthood. If we question it, or if we lack it, we're probably much more careful, if not even incapable.
I won't say we can't develop the ability to trust. I started to say if we're loved down the road, it probably increases our trust-ability. But it struck me that the ability to love and be loved probably starts and ends with trust first.
Some of this consideration comes from observations of other people lately. There's a couple who indicated levels of trust that made me bold enough to make honest statements to them. Their reaction was fear (the anti-trust, I suppose) and they visibly retracted their indications of trust.
Another is someone who has every reason not to trust due to a difficult childhood and bad choices as an adult. Under a disguise of independence, this person didn't trust anyone really and stated trust wasn't expected. But the bit of trust I did give was violated greatly. I severed the relationship.
Several weeks later, a note came back stating this person had recognized what refusing to trust and honor trust had done to life overall. A new leaf was trying to be turned. The question was if trust lost could be re-earned. We're seeing.
Another can never trust in what is, but constantly expresses distrust and asks for reinforcement. It's overly dramatic and completely insulting. Friends should provide support, but each of us has to absorb that and carry that strength inside somewhat. The past can make us suspicious. But we can't alter it. We can only believe in what is right now. We have to trust in what is, not what has been done to us.
But at the root of it is myself. I'm very miserly with my trust. I protect with a shell of bravado and bullshit. And then I complain about the vacuum I find myself in.
Yet too often when I've given in to my desire to trust, I've been disappointed. Sometimes, that's human frailty. Sometimes it's unexpressed expectations on my part. And in general, it's fear, that old habit of believing history is bound to repeat itself.
I hope that recognizing all that makes me more willing to trust. I hope I now find the right people in which to trust and am making better people decisions. I pray that finding trust honored by the right people will fortify me.
I guess in the end, what I have to do is trust myself.